Sexual Ambiguity
20 September 2005
The metrosexual look is a good thing. If the blokes are now feeling pressured to pluck their mono-brow, wax their shoulders, and shave their legs then they now know what we girls go through.
And that’s just in the hair removal department!
Isa, my best girlfriend, thinks I have body hair issues. This is because I have one of those mini vacuum cleaners, also known as a Dust Buster, which I used to vacuum the bed sheets, bathroom sink and counter tops after my ex-hubby Eric had left a trail of body hair in his path.
Male pattern balding, discarded unruly nose and ear hair trimmings- some blokes are like shedding dogs!
Not sure what I would do if Eric and I were still together and he took to shaving his legs like Lance Armstrong. Imagine I’d have complete and utter hysterics if, as I clambered into a steaming bath, there were curly leg hairs bobbing amongst the bubbles.
Removal of male body hair is the norm amongst metrosexuals. Hairy men in underwear became very yesterday the moment Australian model, Travis Fimmel, donned billboards as Calvin Klein’s undie boy.
But Travis and his metrosexual mates are almost too gorgeous such that it is now difficult for girls to tell whether a bloke is metrosexual or sexually ambiguous.
I have a mate whose appearance is all about look at me, I’m a metrosexual. He’s well-groomed, manicured, fashion-forward, smells yummy, eyebrows shaped, legs shaved etc. etc., but then he does the flippy hand thing!
What is it with the flippy hand thing?
I think Queer Eye for the Straight Guy ought to be banned. It’s giving regular run-about metrosexuals too many ideas, as in, this mate of mine now buys his undies on a gay undie site. So of course when he told me that, simultaneously flipping his hand, I was totally confused.
Cripes, I hate feeling confused.
Like me, lots of girls love their fellas to trim their nostril hairs, sport Lance Armstrong legs, and who would say “no” to the manly fashion-forward look. However, sexual ambiguity is just not on!
Oooh, I can feel a ditty coming on:
I love manly metros,
manly metros for me.
No flippy hands please
too confusing to trust.
Lance’s legs are metro,
slky smooth and buff.
No question about his sex
simply, he exudes musk!
