Nice versus Magnificent

24 July 2006

I shopped this past Saturday morning.  What can I say!

Well, I’ll tell you what the lovely young sales associate said after I’d paid for my goodies: “Have a magnificent day!”

Cripes, what was wrong with “have a nice day!”

“Nice” is sooo non-threatening and neutral. You can take it or leave it.

But magnificent! Geez! The pressure is on when someone says have a magnificent day. I mean I just stood there, frozen to the spot, gawking in disbelief at associate Lisa.

Finding my wits, I said something along the lines of: “You know what? I’m going to do my best to have a nice day. And if it doesn’t end up being a nice day then I won’t feel let down. If it ends up being more than a nice day then that’d just be the duck’s guts!”

As it turned out, I did have a nice day shopping, café-ing, bookstore-ing and then I met best girlfriend, Isa, for a matinee movie.

In the middle of July in the middle of America people go to matinees because it’s too hot outside to be outside. Theaters are air-conditioned, which means they are the perfect place to sit and be cool.

It has occurred to me that too many people are anything but cool when they enjoy the movies for the wrong reasons, i.e. the opportunity to eat bucket loads of popcorn in the dark.

It’s impossible to have a pleasant movie-going experience when someone is shoveling food into their mouth, pig-at-trough manner, either right next to you or right behind you.

Tell me Bloggers, what is it about sitting in the dark that leads people to believe that no one else can hear them snuffling, munching, belching and then yep, you guessed it, farting!

Darkness does not render people deaf!

In fact, the dark heightens your senses such that you’re more attuned to sounds and sensations. This piece of information has caused me to conclude that all eating and drinking should be relegated to the well-lit theater foyers.

What I’m saying is that the actual movie theater should be designated a masticating-free zone.

A two-hour movie experience absent chomping and slurping – now wouldn’t that be more than nice! If you ask me, it’d be the duck’s guts à la totally excellent!

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2 Responses to “Nice versus Magnificent”

  1. pertygirl Says:
    September 14th, 2006 at 10:24 am

    Dearest Tildy
    I am one of the snufflers of popcorn. I often grin to myself as I set myself poised to enjoy, on so many levels, matinee madness. Darkness is the time for forbidden pleasures. Stuffing one’s face being totally forbidden in the daylight world, is one reason I go to the show. I am usually done with my popcorn by the time the movie actually starts. So enough said. As for farting….Me thinks the lady doth protest too much. :)


  2. Ann Rabbe Says:
    September 14th, 2006 at 10:30 am

    Not only shoveling and snuffling, but if one dares to whisper a short comment to one’s partner, the shoveler is the first to whip around with a BIG “shhhhhh!!!!!!”.

    It is preposterous.

    I would not be surprised to see theater rage develop soon.


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