Instant Sex: False Intimacy

6 November 2006

Trundling down the personal protection aisle at the grocery store, I passed three girls standing in front of the condoms having a frank discussion about sex.

“Just because you have sex doesn’t mean you love, or have any feelings for the person you’re having sex with,” said one of the girls. 

I wondered if that was a personal testimonial or if she was couching a question to her friends in a statement.

I know my girlfriend dating the No Apparent Perving slow-to-action bloke would agree with grocery girl’s declaration.  She tells me she tired of the slow pace and jumped his bones on date # 3.  Apparently she thinks he’s a bit of alright, but no mention of love.

However, she is hoping that as a result of the bedroom activity the emotional intimacy will follow and then, “who knows?” she said wistfully.

Maybe that’s what was behind grocery girl’s statement-cum-question: sex first, followed by emotional intimacy, and then love.

Wishful thinking?

I read an astrological analysis of The Stars In Love some time ago.  It said that Julia Roberts has a tendency to “mistake sex for love.”  I don’t think that susceptibility is particular to Julia.

Blame the Femme Mentale!  It seems our brains are hard wired for processing emotions, whereas the male brain is hard wired for processing sex and never mind the emotions.

If that’s the case, grocery girl et al, beware; we’re deluding ourselves if we envision the blokes are having feelings beyond “excellent bonk” while we’re imagining “hmm, this is so nice, warm and fuzzy, could this be love?”

Leaping into bed creates instant, but false intimacy.  Sure sex is intimate - in as much as two bods are naked and up close, but the emotional intimacy women are psychologically geared to experience is not as immediately accessible for men.     

This is worth considering if you’re considering fast tracking to the bedroom.  After all there’s huge potential for disappointment if your bloke isn’t set to meet you emotionally.  A kind of disappointment that we girls mask with bravado statements like the one made public at the grocery store.

Real intimacy builds when there is open and honest communication, trust, and time.  And over time, if you take the HC & T into the bedroom (or even if you don’t), love might be the outcome - no guarantees though.

Posted in Safe & Sexy

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2 Responses to “Instant Sex: False Intimacy”

  1. Xanth Says:
    December 28th, 2006 at 11:55 am

    Very Interesting article, it seems as if the old fashion love is dying off. The electronics seem to make others think of things as instant and fast, leaving the love behind.


  2. Donziii1 Says:
    December 28th, 2006 at 10:58 pm

    A very interesting article indeed. True love and commitment will always exist for those who are intelligent enough to have the patience to wait for the real thing. A lot of people are still out there looking, or waiting, for true love. A man who is willing to wait for the right woman to connect with him emotionally at her own pace, will surely be greatly rewarded by the most committed and devoted love ever imaginable from a truly spectacular woman. As for those in too big of a hurry to find their soulmate and happiness, well, you will surely be looking again before it is over with.


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