The Game of Flirting
17 May 2007
Recently I heard an Italian woman speak on “The Art of Love,” but what I mainly heard her talking about was flirting as a lost art.
“Political correctness in the U.S. has discouraged flirting between the sexes,” she said. I also heard her say something to the effect of, “And now that flirting as play has been rejected, casual sex as play is the new game.”
I came away from her presentation with a handle on why Under the Tuscan Sun (both book and movie) was so popular - it evokes those things we associate with Italy: food, romance, and more specifically, flirtatious Italian men!
Flirting is behaving amorously without serious intent; it has nothing to do with sex, rather it’s a form of mutual appreciation wrapped in playful, sometimes naughty and evocative banter.
When you’re on the receiving end of someone well practiced in the art of flirting, it’s easy to feel very sexy while at the same time quite safe! After all, genuine compliments about say, one’s appearance are hard to mistake as aggressive attempts at seduction.
As I said, it’s a game of mutual appreciation, and thus a flirtatious compliment requires an appropriate response - one that is neither a rebuttal nor insalubrious but somewhere in between.
Most importantly, the response must be subtle flattery on the chivalrous nature of the man who delivered the flirtatious compliment.
In this regard, flirting is also a dance along lines of traditional role-playing where the man is gallant and courtly and the woman politely acquiescent to his attentiveness.
And if all that sounds too old fashioned as in a complete backlash to the feminist movement (that campaign which contributed to women feeling liberated from the injustices of living in a man’s world), then you’ve completely misunderstood the nature of flirting.
It’s a game, remember, and without a serious goal, objective, meaning or purpose other than to spontaneously and overtly appreciate a person of the opposite sex. In other words, it’s just uncomplicated fun!
Even so, if flirting seems like a scary throwback to the pre-feminist days of your granny, that’s fine; casual sex as play can be fun too, though it is far more complicated apropos potentially hazardous to your health.
Point of the story: If flirting sounds like the kind of play you’re predisposed to, give it a go. And if casual sex is more your thing, carry condoms.
